XXXConnect is here to help you hook up with your work wife/husband. So put on your best outfit that's suitable for the office AND an after work rendezvous.

Do you have a coworker that you're always flirting with? That you jokingly refer to as your work wife or your work husband? If you do, it's very likely that you've also thought about them sexually, outside of office hours, and wondered whether or not you could actually manage to hook up with them without affecting your career, or either of your actual relationships.

The important thing is to be very sure that this running joke about being each others' work spouses isn't founded on a power dynamic that could put either one of your positions at your office in jeopardy. If that's a possibility, we're sorry to ruin the fun, but this is a bad idea, and you shouldn't hook up with them (we'll go into detail as to why later). But if there's a definite mutual attraction, you should definitely make sure that your other coworkers don't find out about it, because that sort of gossip never ends well. Past that, you can just treat it like any other hook up, and ask him or her if they want to go for a drink sometime after work, and take it from there. If they say they don't, you can just say that you didn't mean anything by it, and that you thought that you could talk about a project you're perhaps both working on at work. If he or she agrees though, just treat it like you would a date. A slightly awkward date.

We're going to go into more detail now though, and really take the time to discuss the power dynamics that could be involved, and which make this type of hook up a lot more risky than your average hook up. We'll also examine other opportunities to make your move, like a staff holiday party.

A lot of people seem to have this idea of work husbands and work wives, but they're often one-sided, with the other side awkwardly laughing or smiling when the one who's so sure about it bringing it up or joking about it. If you've both said to other people in your workplace that you're each other's work spouses (preferably you've been told that your work spouse said it to someone while you weren't there), and the flirting is definitely sincere, then carry on (with many caveats, which we're going to look at later on).

It's important to note that most work husband/work wife relationships remain contained within the workplace, and are based on very light flirting, with no other intention behind it. If you find that your mind is working overtime though, thinking about your work spouse outside of office hours, it's obvious that you're smitten. Do you text with your work spouse at night? How about in the morning? Do you text each other messages like, "I can't wait to c u?" or check in on how they slept the night before? Do you have nicknames for each other? If you do any of these things, it's understandable why you find yourself wanting to see if there can be more to your relationship past just giving each other secret smirks across the lunch room table while you eat the lunches that your real life spouses made for you.

The popular BBC sitcom, The Office starring Ricky Gervais and a pre-Hobbit Martin Freeman, and its American remake for NBC that made Steve Carell a household name, feature the ultimate filmed versions of work spouses. The most well-known is likely the American version, wherein Pam and Jim spend every day at the paper company that they work for, in their own little wonderland for two. They share a shorthand that allows them to communicate through looks from across the room, a similar sense of humor that often results in them trying to make the other one laugh at the expense of one of their coworkers. Pam is the office receptionist, so since a large part of her job is to answer the phone, Jim can also frequently call the reception desk and talk to her throughout the day. Unfortunately, Pam has a boyfriend, so for multiple seasons, their workplace flirtation ramps up to a level where the audience can almost feel the pain of Jim's blue balls; the pain of his unrequited love. Yes, love. It gets so out of hand, that Jim has absolutely zero chill left, and he makes his move. Though Pam can't deny that she has feelings for Jim as well, her boyfriend has always stopped her from doing anything about it, and she believed that Jim understood this limitation on their workplace relationship as well.

A lot of flirtation that takes place in workplaces have this wall that is expected to be respected. If a woman tells a man about her boyfriend or husband, they are essentially telling them that they are not available for after work cocktails, and perhaps more. When a man talks about his wife or girlfriend, he is sending out that very same message. Though flirting may happen in the office, if both the work wife and work husband have spoken about their significant others, that means that the flirting starts at 8:30, and stops at 5:00.

If further feelings grow as time goes on (which is a possibility), things of course then become more complicated. The Office ran for multiple seasons, so of course at some point, Pam ditched her dud of a boyfriend, Roy, and get together with Jim. It's a relationship that they keep a secret for as long as they can. This is another big issue with workplace romances.

There are few worse things in a workplace than being gossiped about. You want to be able to go to your job every day and do your work without the stress or distraction of knowing that your coworkers have been talking about you behind your back. Office romances are usually kept a secret because they're considered unprofessional. You're not supposed to be at work picking up men and women. You're supposed to be acting in a professional manner, and getting your work done. If one of your coworkers reports that they suspect something more than business is happening between you and your work spouse to your Human Resources representative, you'll have put yourselves in a very uncomfortable position, which could be putting your incomes at risk.

There's been a lot of talk in the news lately about power dynamics in workplaces, and how many women find themselves doing or saying things at work that they don't necessarily agree with, or want to say, but they know that if they don't play along with their managers, there's a risk involved. Women who speak up in meetings are often not taken as seriously as their male coworkers, and are labeled as loud, or opinionated. When they're dealing with this sort of discrimination, it often requires them to rock the boat as little as possible, and hope that her work will stand out and help her move up the company. When men insert their opinions at meetings, they'll frequently be praised as being 'Idea Men', even if their ideas aren't very good. This is the reality of a lot of workplaces, and women are forced to unfortunately tread very lightly, and pick her battles carefully.

This is of course not exclusively something that women experience in the workplace. There are many instances where men feel like they have to do what their female boss tells them to do, even if they don't agree with it or want to. It's simply a far more common experience for women in the workforce.

So if in your company, you are your work spouse's manager or even just have the power to perhaps speak to their manager and what you say could potentially help or hinder their position in the company, that makes the power balance out of whack, and you need to seriously consider all of your flirtations with that in mind. If you send flirty text messages to each other, think back to who sent the first one. Was it you? If it was, you have to strike those texts from the record. They could very well have been influenced by the fear of being reprimanded for not playing along.

If you're thinking back on things and realizing that this might be your situation, it doesn't mean you're a horrible person. It just means that you should now strongly consider correcting your behavior, and putting an end to the flirting. If you don't, you may find yourself being charged with sexual harassment, and losing your job, as well as your work spouse.

If there isn't a power dynamic involved, and you're certain that your work spouse is as into you as you are into them, outside of the previously mentioned suggestion of asking them out for a drink after work, you could always go the sloppy route, and make a move at the office Christmas party. If you ask your friends, there's a good chance that some of them have a story about making out with someone at a staff holiday party. Something about the festive spirit, and the free flowing spirits often find people acting a fool at these gatherings. Bosses are typically too cheap to pay for employees' families to attend, so they're socializing without their spouses, and that will often make them behave a bit wildly.

The risk of rejection is of course very high here, and all of the risks that we've already discussed (sexual harassment, office gossip, etc.) are still at play, so this is only for if for some reason you weren't able to work up the nerve to ask your work spouse out for a drink. This has the potential go south really fast, but you'll at least have a tiny bit of flimsy defense if it does, by simply saying the office holiday party curse struck again.

We've spent a lot of time talking about your work spouse, but not really mentioning any romantic relationships that you and your work-spouse may have outside of office hours. Are you unhappy in your relationships? Are you just looking to spice things up a little bit? Perhaps one or both of you are in open relationships which would allow you to hook up without any repercussions at home. Whatever your relationship status, it's important to consider it long and hard before you make your move, because the decision to try and hook up with a coworker under the notion that you're work spouses is an extremely volatile one, and one that could put your job at risk. Imagine if you get fired from your job for sexual harassment, and you have to go home and explain to your spouse what happened. That's definitely not going to go well. Open relationship or not.

If after unpacking all of the elements at play in this delicate situation, you're still willing to take the risk, and remain convinced that whatever it is that you and your office spouse have is real, we wish you luck putting all of that sexual tension that you and your work spouse take home with you every night, into a night of passion that is sure to be heightened by the fact that you're participating in one of the riskiest hook ups known to man.

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